This post will be like a messy potpourri. I guess I'm wishing everybody great holidays, but to be honest I should have done so earlier, as Hanoukka finished more than a week ago and as I'm not celebrating either Christmas or Hanoukka or what have you, which is sad since I have nothing nice to do with my family (love, unity, all that) these days. I feel like even if my family celebrated something by tradition or faith, it'd be sort of an illusion with nobody wanting to be there. One year, my aunt invited us for Christmas; I remember having watched Fashion TV then, something about Karl Lagerfeld and Chanel's collection being inspired by the seas but not in a cliché way.
Thanks god (verbal tic, thanks?), our city organizes free food things in late december, and lots of parties at the end of the year. I'll make an ~apparition~ and maybe meet people who went to school with me and not have anything to say. Funky. (I succeeded at depressing the last person I saw, telling her I was clinically depressed in collège, which depressed us both.)
I sound really negative, but the idea of eating free almonds galettes is really enthusiasting to me. I just don't know how to sound happy without mentioning the less happy things to constrast.
I love the decorations in the street in december, and the Christmas market especially since there have been very few tourists this year (nothing against tourists, but please compare to last year when I almost got drowned under giant talking leather coats, see petition against genetically modified clothes.)
What I like the most, is the fact I could walk around all night two nights ago and no condescending asshole criticized me because, argh, according to them young people are dangerous so either I am in danger or I am a danger (it happens rarely, but even if seeing me as a woman makes them think I'm not a danger, they still think shit of me because I'm young.)
I guess they're always basing themselves on the idea that even if you want to walk a bit, you don't have any valid reason (that would validate your agency over your own damn body!) but meeting your family for Christmas (= take advantage of the lack of tram to have fun walking, running, dancing and rolling over the rails!) is a sufficient reason to not meet any asshole! By asshole, I mean them, 'cause they're the first to make you feel like you don't have the right to be violent or react if you actually got assaulted and their shitty stereotypes are dangerous seeing how these assholes actually base themselves on them to be violent, seeing you as a threat, and if you defend yourself it confirms their stereotypes, étant donné que ces raclures se basent dessus pour être violents et que si la personne se défend ça confirme leurs stéréotypes, even if these stereotypes can't cohabitate with other stereotypes they have. They hold these prejudices to be self-evident.
Then most people who'd actually assault you (mostly during day, mostly older than you, and almost always far away from your "dangerous district"!) are basing themselves on the non-benevolent version of these prejudices and hard-to-break soft ideas; after a while it. really. gets on your nerves!
Well, that day all but two of the people I met wished me good holidays! It was nice.
You need to know, when I went out of my house, I was really irritated, and would kick some walls and stuffs walking by. Then I realized I could do stuffs on these rails that I couldn't do at these hours habitually! Without dying!
Then I couldn't sleep because I was too excited. After a while, I was irritated or rather angry/sad again, so I did a few collages to channel my angry sadness, seeing how 1. I don't want to hurt myself 2. I wouldn't wake my mother up, it's like gremlins and water or food or I don't know I didn't watch these movies!
So I did that:
Then read about surrealism, and that Leonor Fini photo: