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Friday, September 13. 2013
End of the summer
Soon enough.
I've got more recent pictures, but here are some I took this summer. I've got others, in a computer mess. I like these ones.
I'm finally in a picture as a whole:
I forget why I was dressed that way, plus it's hard to explain in words. Now I think it's a bit cartoon-y, and I liked the size of the tie in comparison with that of the skirt, the colors, the big pattern on the skirt and the leg warmers (f*** the summer!)
I found it a tad futuristic, because of the colors. Weird ass posture.
A pix of me when I had more fingers than ordinary. Don't know why I took it, most probably to take advantage of the possibilities offered by my excessive number or fingers. Then, straight to the bed! Ah!
I didn't edit the picture, but it was like that in the viewer so I screen-capped it and hoppla.
Yumbada. Rhursday I was at a Rosh Hashanah seder. Last week's thursday. I needed to stop to ask myself if it was thursday, before the day when I wrote this in french? This week's thursday I was at the library. Lots of books. During the summer we could borrow an unlimited number of books and CDs, to bring back in September, October. Bringing these back will be a bother, the (abridged) printed borrowed book list was longer than my legs.
Obviously, after bringing back my books, read only partially, I borrowed others. Otherwise, I ate well at the seder, except I missed half of the food because I listened to people talking (and talked a bit also, but less.)
This outfit, I wore a necklace you can't see in the picture. One representing a naked woman wielding an arc, which makes me think of amazons.
The top makes me think of a corset, old medieval pictures, Xena. I wore it because it reminded me of old things worn by characters who do magic and nice shit. I think at some points, corsets were used by weightlifters for their back? Then it evolved in some sort of girdle... gymnastic thing?
The dress makes me think of a witch, and I wore the cardigan as a cape. I bought it in a fleamarket, with the skirt I wear under the dress. It's more interesting than the dress alone. The cardigan is my favorite color, and has a nice smooth texture, like a kitten or a puppy or maybe a baby bat.
Tights from La Redoute. Sadly, broke after one or two wears.
Don't have the mask anymore. Gave it to someone who kept it that I don't see anymore. What a weird summer. Made lots of mistakes or just one big.
I'm going to do a sewing formation. Pôle Emploi is helping me pay 2800€ of it. The first person I talked to about it told me Pôle Emploi would never help me pay for it and ordered not to do it, not to become a couturière. Then at the Mission Locale, they were nicer. I still need to write a CV and motivation letter for the file or form, but I'm confident. Then I'll pass the CAP as a free candidate, I did all the administrative shit needed to have the right to pass it (I registered to the census like I was supposed to do some years ago!)
I was given the bag for free at the same fleamarket. At the seder I talked to a dude whose great-grand-mother was deported. It makes it all the more real.
As a child I was at someone's place because my grand-mother was the because my grand-mother gave me money because there was food, and one of the other person had numbers tattooed on her skin. She wore long sleeves, but I still saw it by error, and I thought it was just a weird tattoo because for me, I know some things happened in the past but it was very abstract and it still is. I just knew it happened and now it's like a bad dream. I mean I can see clearly things that happened in my head, things I heard and have been told or saw in pictures or movies, but it's as if it was my imagination. I was way more difficult to disturb as a child.
Otherwise, at some point I wanted to go in Russia, but apparently Russia dislike gay people. My brain does weird things, like at some point it wasn't allowed to learn Hebrew in URSS, Russia dislike gay people. The world is seriously disturbing. I think about disturbing stuffs most of the time, and the rest of the time I'm either lazying or jumping around and bothering my dog with a weird smile on my face.
It's a bore because when I start I can't stop, and now I'm crying. Before entering collège (late middle school/junior high) during the summer, my mother bought me the Diary of Anne Frank, so for me those were things of the past. At some point she, Anne Frank, talks about how she asked her friend if they could mutually (I remember the word, mutually) touch each others' breasts and that she once thought periods came from the clitoris. I asked my mother what clitoris meant, and she asked whether it was a book for me (conclusion : my mom didn't read Anne Frank.)
(Thankfully I already know how to use my clitoris, because I learned recently that my mom think masturbation is nonsense or something.)
So it seemed to me totally normal to do such things with another girl. Later I thought, sincerely, that it was all from the past. Now I know people are profoundly bothered by homosexuals and the idea that women aren't forced to do things with men and can refuse without giving a reason.
I will never go in Russia or Ecuador, because I don't want to go in jail by error. It's not even just the fact that they are bothered, and dislike, or "like" but are profoundly bothered by, it's the acts and the fact people are encouraging, voluntarily or not, acts of hate. Anyway, I don't have money to go in Ecuador and never left Strasbourg and it's great like that to never have been forced to leave Strasbourg; just for that I would like to stay in Strasbourg forever and never leave, but I want to see the world.
It's just, to think at some point people hid because they were Jewish and still do, and now people still hide that they aren't heterosexual, and it's forced and understandable and not funny. When I was a kid, I sincerely thought it wasn't the case anymore, a thing of the past. I don't know how people do who can't hide what other people hate in them. Now they'll say, it's not that we hate you, it's just that you are different... so it's like that and we'll never try another way, or some just think it's your fault after all.
The funny part is, in some cases you can't tell someone who hid being Jewish that you aren't heterosexual. I find it funny in a weird way because my brain is disturbed. Being crazy is amazing. Also I want to poop because it's all such a bore and some people are in worst places than me, in life and on a map. Now I'm smiling naively and I want to jump or what.
I think about beautiful russian books and movies and it bother me profoundly that Russia dislike gay people. Still, eating is good.
I like this song, but never knew who sang it until recently:
I've got more recent pictures, but here are some I took this summer. I've got others, in a computer mess. I like these ones.
I'm finally in a picture as a whole:
I forget why I was dressed that way, plus it's hard to explain in words. Now I think it's a bit cartoon-y, and I liked the size of the tie in comparison with that of the skirt, the colors, the big pattern on the skirt and the leg warmers (f*** the summer!)
I found it a tad futuristic, because of the colors. Weird ass posture.
A pix of me when I had more fingers than ordinary. Don't know why I took it, most probably to take advantage of the possibilities offered by my excessive number or fingers. Then, straight to the bed! Ah!
I didn't edit the picture, but it was like that in the viewer so I screen-capped it and hoppla.
Yumbada. Rhursday I was at a Rosh Hashanah seder. Last week's thursday. I needed to stop to ask myself if it was thursday, before the day when I wrote this in french? This week's thursday I was at the library. Lots of books. During the summer we could borrow an unlimited number of books and CDs, to bring back in September, October. Bringing these back will be a bother, the (abridged) printed borrowed book list was longer than my legs.
Obviously, after bringing back my books, read only partially, I borrowed others. Otherwise, I ate well at the seder, except I missed half of the food because I listened to people talking (and talked a bit also, but less.)
This outfit, I wore a necklace you can't see in the picture. One representing a naked woman wielding an arc, which makes me think of amazons.
The top makes me think of a corset, old medieval pictures, Xena. I wore it because it reminded me of old things worn by characters who do magic and nice shit. I think at some points, corsets were used by weightlifters for their back? Then it evolved in some sort of girdle... gymnastic thing?
The dress makes me think of a witch, and I wore the cardigan as a cape. I bought it in a fleamarket, with the skirt I wear under the dress. It's more interesting than the dress alone. The cardigan is my favorite color, and has a nice smooth texture, like a kitten or a puppy or maybe a baby bat.
Tights from La Redoute. Sadly, broke after one or two wears.
Don't have the mask anymore. Gave it to someone who kept it that I don't see anymore. What a weird summer. Made lots of mistakes or just one big.
I'm going to do a sewing formation. Pôle Emploi is helping me pay 2800€ of it. The first person I talked to about it told me Pôle Emploi would never help me pay for it and ordered not to do it, not to become a couturière. Then at the Mission Locale, they were nicer. I still need to write a CV and motivation letter for the file or form, but I'm confident. Then I'll pass the CAP as a free candidate, I did all the administrative shit needed to have the right to pass it (I registered to the census like I was supposed to do some years ago!)
I was given the bag for free at the same fleamarket. At the seder I talked to a dude whose great-grand-mother was deported. It makes it all the more real.
As a child I was at someone's place because my grand-mother was the because my grand-mother gave me money because there was food, and one of the other person had numbers tattooed on her skin. She wore long sleeves, but I still saw it by error, and I thought it was just a weird tattoo because for me, I know some things happened in the past but it was very abstract and it still is. I just knew it happened and now it's like a bad dream. I mean I can see clearly things that happened in my head, things I heard and have been told or saw in pictures or movies, but it's as if it was my imagination. I was way more difficult to disturb as a child.
Otherwise, at some point I wanted to go in Russia, but apparently Russia dislike gay people. My brain does weird things, like at some point it wasn't allowed to learn Hebrew in URSS, Russia dislike gay people. The world is seriously disturbing. I think about disturbing stuffs most of the time, and the rest of the time I'm either lazying or jumping around and bothering my dog with a weird smile on my face.
It's a bore because when I start I can't stop, and now I'm crying. Before entering collège (late middle school/junior high) during the summer, my mother bought me the Diary of Anne Frank, so for me those were things of the past. At some point she, Anne Frank, talks about how she asked her friend if they could mutually (I remember the word, mutually) touch each others' breasts and that she once thought periods came from the clitoris. I asked my mother what clitoris meant, and she asked whether it was a book for me (conclusion : my mom didn't read Anne Frank.)
(Thankfully I already know how to use my clitoris, because I learned recently that my mom think masturbation is nonsense or something.)
So it seemed to me totally normal to do such things with another girl. Later I thought, sincerely, that it was all from the past. Now I know people are profoundly bothered by homosexuals and the idea that women aren't forced to do things with men and can refuse without giving a reason.
I will never go in Russia or Ecuador, because I don't want to go in jail by error. It's not even just the fact that they are bothered, and dislike, or "like" but are profoundly bothered by, it's the acts and the fact people are encouraging, voluntarily or not, acts of hate. Anyway, I don't have money to go in Ecuador and never left Strasbourg and it's great like that to never have been forced to leave Strasbourg; just for that I would like to stay in Strasbourg forever and never leave, but I want to see the world.
It's just, to think at some point people hid because they were Jewish and still do, and now people still hide that they aren't heterosexual, and it's forced and understandable and not funny. When I was a kid, I sincerely thought it wasn't the case anymore, a thing of the past. I don't know how people do who can't hide what other people hate in them. Now they'll say, it's not that we hate you, it's just that you are different... so it's like that and we'll never try another way, or some just think it's your fault after all.
The funny part is, in some cases you can't tell someone who hid being Jewish that you aren't heterosexual. I find it funny in a weird way because my brain is disturbed. Being crazy is amazing. Also I want to poop because it's all such a bore and some people are in worst places than me, in life and on a map. Now I'm smiling naively and I want to jump or what.
I think about beautiful russian books and movies and it bother me profoundly that Russia dislike gay people. Still, eating is good.
I like this song, but never knew who sang it until recently:
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